Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
