There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
