How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
