I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
