I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
