I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
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