My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
