Having a random hookup so left but love u
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
