brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
