OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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