I murdered the dance floor call the cops
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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