I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
