there's paper in my vomit.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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