when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
