So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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