Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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