Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
