Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm like, not good at living.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
