then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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