apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
