For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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