If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i think i have two assholes
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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