Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
