Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
