If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
