I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
