good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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