i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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