Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
