I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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