Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
