I wish I could teleport
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
