I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
