i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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