I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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