I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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