how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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