I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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