i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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