I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
