Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
