I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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