'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
