new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
