Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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