i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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