dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
