btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
