I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
