he wants to bone in the snuggie
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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