Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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