I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
