Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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