i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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